Sunday, May 15, 2011

Signs of a good life

It’s difficult to be candid with my blog when my readership is made up of my husband, a few close friends, and my mothers… If I say this they’ll a) worry about me b) question my sanity c) bemoan my potty-mouth or d) all of the above. But lately, I have been so all over the place emotionally, if I don't say something, I will implode-explode and take all of you down with me.

You see, here I am at this crazy huge transition in my life -by which I mean “a handful of basic life transitions that I’m handling as well as a punch to the boob"- and I'm sad. I've gotten married (awww) one of the most amazing things ever, and the wedding party is over, people. Just about every single person I love was in the same building, for one evening, celebrating with us, eating, dancing, laughing... and then with a deep sigh, it ended.

Did we drive down the street, pull over in to a McDonald's parking lot, and consider turning back around to rejoin the party after our sparkler exit? Yes. Hell. Yes.

Our wedding was amazing. Having hundreds of people tell me I looked beautiful was awe.some. Flitting from table to table like a celebrity bride who glamourously does NOT have enough time for pictures (well maybe just one) is the best!

And I know what you're thinking. Waa waa, so you are really blessed and you had a memorable night! Own it and move on. Let some other people get married already.

And you're right. The fact that I miss our wedding just goes to show that we had a wedding worth missing.

But this leads me on to say that the older one gets (shut up, I know I'm 22), the fewer and farther inbeteween are the epic parties. What's left after our wedding? Our kids' birthdays? Our 50th wedding anniversary? Turning 70? AS IF! And when the next party comes around, where will all of our loved ones be?

Our friends are graduating and moving and embracing their own adventures. I mean, WE'RE moving, for goodness sake, and looking forward to that has my evolution into a mature adult spiraling into reverse. I constantly have to fight the urge to stand in the middle of the grocery store and cry "I want my mom!"

Where is everyone going and why is it happening so fast? How has it been a month since we said our vows? Why does this life go so quickly?

These are the thoughts I have constantly looping through my head and I have GOT to figure out what to do with them.

Up until now I've been letting them fill every space I'm in until I can't hardly breathe. I'm mourning and I'm not always sure why. And so I've decided that I'm going to try to start using my insight for good instead of evil.

I'm so happy for my friends, of which I have many, and I want these good things for them.

The east coast has sea food, and for that I am grateful.

My brothers cannot stay little forever and my parents cannot always hold my hand.

I cannot stop time, but I can stop wearing a watch.

And, in the words of my wonderful and wise high school choir director: "You have to make your own party."

You have to make your own party.


  1. ummmm...this is my super awesome comment to let you know i read this.

    But rock. I love reading your blog. It makes me feel like I'm with you, which really helps me deal with this whole graduating and not seeing ANYONE ever after tomorrow.

    Love you!

  2. Keep your family close and as constant as possible. Don't think the big bucks are important and move away from your family and friends for a long period of time like I did. I cannot tell you how much happier I am since I reconnected with family 5 years ago. You will never know how much our annual trips to Table Rock Lake mean to me! And getting invited to Jay and Kimberley's wedding and your and Steven's wedding, and actually being able to attend! They say you're stuck with family but choose your friends, but do we really have any family members that we would choose otherwise? Party hearty, Marty! but keep your family close! Love, Skip

  3. physics of adulthood, time keeps getting faster and faster. Learn from the past and plan for the future, but make sure to live in the present. Love you Nenna!

  4. I am thinking that month by month having a incredible marriage will out shine your oh so brilliant wedding. Day by day building your life with Steven's will be, well not always a party, but certainly an amazing adventure. Every day you will be able to celebrate that and know that great big ol' room full of people who love you both are celebrating it too. Love, love, love you.