Thursday, December 1, 2011

Lilo and Twitch

Today marks the third day of my spastic eye twitch. It is not awesome. Every few seconds, the lower lid of my right eye quivers. I can see it and I can feel it but I cannot stop it.

If it doesn’t end soon, I know I will end up punching myself in the face. Desperate times…

I read an article about the possible causes of eye-twitching and, while I can weed out a couple of them, most of them were right on. See list:
  • Stress
  • Tiredness
  • Eye strain
  • Caffeine
  • Alcohol
  • Dry eyes
  • Nutritional imbalances
  • Allergies
So, I’ve narrowed the list down to three: tiredness, eye strain, and nutritional imbalances. Through the process of elimination and smartness, I can probably get rid of tiredness because, let’s be honest, I’m always tired. My life is just so awesome and crazy! I’m always partying and dancing until midnight and stuff. Nice try, tiredness… But, deciding between eye strain and nutritional imbalances is a little more difficult.

You see, I’ve just started another diet. My body is in shock, not used to being denied such nutritionally balanced foods like bags of chips, packages of Oreos, and spoonfuls of Nutella. All signs clearly point to nutritional imbalance being the cause of my twitch. Nutritionally, my body is balancing precariously on a diet.

However, just for a laugh, let’s consider eye strain, and how I sit a foot away from a computer screen staring for eight hours, every day. And also how I drive home in the dark, and usually don’t have my glasses on me. And also, how my eyeballs suck and can’t read things far away and give me headaches.
Turns out, according to Jesus and the top scientists of our time, the eyes weren’t made to function under such circumstances. They were created to look at hills and flowers and loved ones’ faces. They were created to hunt and gather and NOT always be copying and pasting into excel spreadsheets.

It’s probably true that my eye is twitching from eye strain, but as I cannot do anything about needing a job and having to work, it looks like the only thing I can do to limit the twitch is recommence my previous diet.

*Interestingly enough, my eye never once twitched while I wrote this.

*No eyeballs were harmed in the making of this post. 

1 comment:

  1. Your eye did not twitch for the duration of this post's creation because writing cures everything.