Scientifically speaking, there is a twenty degree difference between "just OK" and "complete bliss". I am in complete and utter bliss right now, and I don't care who knows it. A cloudy day with enough chill to give me goosebumps, enough reason to wear pants and pour a cup of coffee. And then pour a cup of tea. If I'd had somewhere to go, I would have worn a scarf.
...I don't know what to make of this post. I don't want to sound like a writer with fluffy things to say about feelings and seasons. Today, I want to write something with pointy elbows and dirt under the finger nails, something altogether human.
Sometimes I look back, remembering myself in middle school and high school, and what I see more than anything is the way my younger self was constantly looking forward. I was a part of a youth group that urged us to desperately and wholly seek God. How many times did I squeeze my eyes shut and ball my hands together, begging God to divulge details about my future? It was consuming, and there are many good things that came from it. To be a part of a community that so strongly pursued Christ is irreplaceable. But also, it has left me wanting. Now that the majority of the hormones and naivety of my youth are fading, the outward expressions of my faith have changed to become much more reflective. The things that fueled me before, the dancing and crying and talking, are being replaced.
I do not think I know more than I knew then. I know things differently. I am learning and unlearning and relearning. And still, I am looking forward. I have an interview tomorrow and it makes me wonder about what I'm meant to do on a grander scale. How will I live this life? When will it ignite? I keep expecting an explosion, but maybe it is more like a steady flame, sometimes dimmer and brighter.
In the truest sense of the word, Amen.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Tying up Split Ends
Today I got a haircut and I feel fine. Goodbye inches, hello smooth shiny hair!
The best thing about going to the salon is that, if all goes well, you leave with your hair looking better than ever. The worst thing is that I know my hair wont look that way again until the next time I leave the salon. No amount of blow drying, round brushing, begging, and sweating ever turns out for me like it does for them. Is that why they all wear black? Because they are some freak, magical sort of hair ninjas? Well, bravo.
I also got a phone call from Kelly (the temp agency) saying that I have an interview Friday morning. This is good, people, very good indeed. TWO big things in one day is almost more than one girl can handle. I'm liable to start running around like the Jim Carrey in The Grinch when he finds out he's been nominated as the holiday cheer meister:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=THuP_MKj2y0&feature=related
It's poor quality, but you get the idea.
And tonight, we go to see the Oriole's play. Baseball. It's supposed to be a beautiful stadium with delicious BBQ around the corner. As far as I'm concerned, tonight we're ALL winners!
The best thing about going to the salon is that, if all goes well, you leave with your hair looking better than ever. The worst thing is that I know my hair wont look that way again until the next time I leave the salon. No amount of blow drying, round brushing, begging, and sweating ever turns out for me like it does for them. Is that why they all wear black? Because they are some freak, magical sort of hair ninjas? Well, bravo.
I also got a phone call from Kelly (the temp agency) saying that I have an interview Friday morning. This is good, people, very good indeed. TWO big things in one day is almost more than one girl can handle. I'm liable to start running around like the Jim Carrey in The Grinch when he finds out he's been nominated as the holiday cheer meister:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=THuP_MKj2y0&feature=related
It's poor quality, but you get the idea.
And tonight, we go to see the Oriole's play. Baseball. It's supposed to be a beautiful stadium with delicious BBQ around the corner. As far as I'm concerned, tonight we're ALL winners!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Are you my mother?
I exercised today, which is french for: I showered.
Le sigh.
At the risk of being graphic, allow me to paint a picture for you. I removed my pajamas at 2:00pm, showered, and put my pajamas back on. Whatever, I don't care. Then I began the exhausting task of brushing my hair, which is when I was interrupted by the doorbell. Who could it be? I wondered, shamed to be caught in my jim-jams (British for pajamas) well after lunch time.
I considered ignoring the door. I considered putting on a bra. I answered the door.
Is Taquisha here? The lost child asked.
What? No. *smile* No Taquisha here. Sorry... I answered.
...OK.
At which point I expected the little girl standing on our cock-eyed doormat to leave. No Taquisha, no dice. End of transaction. But she leaned there for a moment longer, suspended between her left foot which was leaving and her two eyes which were staring at me.
Could she see right through me? Did she know I had eaten both a cinnamon raisin bagel AND an ice cream sandwich for breakfast? I saw her brain, framed in puff-ball pigtails, perceive the situation and she pitied me. The damp, shaggy woman, with no Taquisha to call her own.
Le sigh.
At the risk of being graphic, allow me to paint a picture for you. I removed my pajamas at 2:00pm, showered, and put my pajamas back on. Whatever, I don't care. Then I began the exhausting task of brushing my hair, which is when I was interrupted by the doorbell. Who could it be? I wondered, shamed to be caught in my jim-jams (British for pajamas) well after lunch time.
I considered ignoring the door. I considered putting on a bra. I answered the door.
Is Taquisha here? The lost child asked.
What? No. *smile* No Taquisha here. Sorry... I answered.
...OK.
At which point I expected the little girl standing on our cock-eyed doormat to leave. No Taquisha, no dice. End of transaction. But she leaned there for a moment longer, suspended between her left foot which was leaving and her two eyes which were staring at me.
Could she see right through me? Did she know I had eaten both a cinnamon raisin bagel AND an ice cream sandwich for breakfast? I saw her brain, framed in puff-ball pigtails, perceive the situation and she pitied me. The damp, shaggy woman, with no Taquisha to call her own.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
It has been 20 days since my last confession.
The beginning is always the hardest and, for all my trying, I haven't been able to begin a blog post... And so, I haven't been able to finish one. Every day I tick through a list of things that haven't changed or haven't changed enough to be exciting news for readers. I am also lazy and easily distracted.
My basil plant is dying -my sage and oregano plants are dead- and I have no idea why. I bought them, watered them, re-potted them and observed while they flourished for a week or two. Then, all my little plants lined up in a row in front of our sliding glass door started to brown and drop. I am the saddest about the basil, which I was using to make a kick-ass cinnamon tea. But also, when I watered the basil plant, the skin of my fingers would brush against the leaves and I'd have the scent of basil on me. It made me forget that I'd been in an apartment for endless hours; maybe I had just been in a forest?
Gah, I need to get a life.
We have been here for two months now, which is enough time passed to need to empty the vacuum cleaner and re-organize the fridge. It is also enough time to go through two boxes of popcorn. But it is not enough time passed to put away the GPS, have a girlfriend, or a desirable job. Two months is also not enough time so that when I walk by the halloween aisle at TARGET, I am not homesick for my parents' porch.
I've been feeling like a child here. My birthday is coming up and I'll be twenty-three*, which is nothing to anyone over forty, but honestly it's even more nothing to me. I know so little about functioning as a sure-footed adult in this world. Let's be honest, I don't know how to fill out a W-4 form; I'm pretty sure my days of being exempt are long gone.
Pray for me, friends. Think of me and only laugh a little when you picture me throwing pity parties in my pajamas. At noon.
*shameless birthday plug
My basil plant is dying -my sage and oregano plants are dead- and I have no idea why. I bought them, watered them, re-potted them and observed while they flourished for a week or two. Then, all my little plants lined up in a row in front of our sliding glass door started to brown and drop. I am the saddest about the basil, which I was using to make a kick-ass cinnamon tea. But also, when I watered the basil plant, the skin of my fingers would brush against the leaves and I'd have the scent of basil on me. It made me forget that I'd been in an apartment for endless hours; maybe I had just been in a forest?
Gah, I need to get a life.
We have been here for two months now, which is enough time passed to need to empty the vacuum cleaner and re-organize the fridge. It is also enough time to go through two boxes of popcorn. But it is not enough time passed to put away the GPS, have a girlfriend, or a desirable job. Two months is also not enough time so that when I walk by the halloween aisle at TARGET, I am not homesick for my parents' porch.
I've been feeling like a child here. My birthday is coming up and I'll be twenty-three*, which is nothing to anyone over forty, but honestly it's even more nothing to me. I know so little about functioning as a sure-footed adult in this world. Let's be honest, I don't know how to fill out a W-4 form; I'm pretty sure my days of being exempt are long gone.
Pray for me, friends. Think of me and only laugh a little when you picture me throwing pity parties in my pajamas. At noon.
*shameless birthday plug
Monday, August 22, 2011
Eating with Morton's Fork*
So much has happened and un-happened since my last post, namely:
Happened: Job offer.
Un-happened: Job.
Confused? I was too.
On Wednesday, I was resigned to become a nanny. I wrote about it, I made peace with it, and on Thursday I took a CPR class so that on Friday, when I interviewed with the family, I would be the best candidate I could be. And then on Monday, if they wanted me, I would start. Things were falling into place, and fast.
During my CPR class, I recieved a voicemail from a friend about another job possiblity. I stood in the hallway of the hospital getting excited. This is it! I thought. God didn't want me to do the nannying thing and so, at the last second, he's giving me something else. I called my friend back, got some details and finished my CPR class. (FYI, I rocked it. I could save your life.)
Then I walked out to my car, called the potential employer, and sat in the parking lot of the hospital for AN HOUR chatting, hearing a little about the company, and getting an offer for the job! No interview, no meeting, no resume, no waiting, more money than nannying, a REAL job.
I was sure God was getting all up in my business and making things right.
And now, a week later and still jobless(x2), I know that to be true.
I canceled the nanny interview. I felt bad about that. Then, I went and met with HR and would-be boss, and the whole time all I could think was: this is not for me. Can you imagine how crazy that made me feel? I wanted a job, I needed a job, and there it was, a job... What was my problem?!? Without going into detail, there were several factors that made me stop short of accepting the position. I spent several hours thinking it through and talking with Steven before I declined the job offer.
I was pleaded with and enticed, to reconsider... So, I did. And spent the whole of last week working out the details of my employment, scheduled to start Monday, the 22nd.
Last Friday, I declined a second time on the advice of my family. I walked away from the only job offer I had and, right after I felt really crappy about it, I felt relief.
Now, some twenty-valuable-lessons-about-business-conduct later, I'm back to the beginning of the job search.
*palm to face*
Being an adult just really takes the cake sometimes.
I wish I could go back to being a child grocer in my parent's basement, with the mini plastic groceries and wind-along conveyer belt. That job had the best benefits.
*Psssst, Don't know what Morton's Fork is? Here you go: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morton's_fork
Happened: Job offer.
Un-happened: Job.
Confused? I was too.
On Wednesday, I was resigned to become a nanny. I wrote about it, I made peace with it, and on Thursday I took a CPR class so that on Friday, when I interviewed with the family, I would be the best candidate I could be. And then on Monday, if they wanted me, I would start. Things were falling into place, and fast.
During my CPR class, I recieved a voicemail from a friend about another job possiblity. I stood in the hallway of the hospital getting excited. This is it! I thought. God didn't want me to do the nannying thing and so, at the last second, he's giving me something else. I called my friend back, got some details and finished my CPR class. (FYI, I rocked it. I could save your life.)
Then I walked out to my car, called the potential employer, and sat in the parking lot of the hospital for AN HOUR chatting, hearing a little about the company, and getting an offer for the job! No interview, no meeting, no resume, no waiting, more money than nannying, a REAL job.
I was sure God was getting all up in my business and making things right.
And now, a week later and still jobless(x2), I know that to be true.
I canceled the nanny interview. I felt bad about that. Then, I went and met with HR and would-be boss, and the whole time all I could think was: this is not for me. Can you imagine how crazy that made me feel? I wanted a job, I needed a job, and there it was, a job... What was my problem?!? Without going into detail, there were several factors that made me stop short of accepting the position. I spent several hours thinking it through and talking with Steven before I declined the job offer.
I was pleaded with and enticed, to reconsider... So, I did. And spent the whole of last week working out the details of my employment, scheduled to start Monday, the 22nd.
Last Friday, I declined a second time on the advice of my family. I walked away from the only job offer I had and, right after I felt really crappy about it, I felt relief.
Now, some twenty-valuable-lessons-about-business-conduct later, I'm back to the beginning of the job search.
*palm to face*
Being an adult just really takes the cake sometimes.
I wish I could go back to being a child grocer in my parent's basement, with the mini plastic groceries and wind-along conveyer belt. That job had the best benefits.
*Psssst, Don't know what Morton's Fork is? Here you go: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morton's_fork
Thursday, August 11, 2011
It's how you play the game.
Finding employment is like playing hopscotch.
If you know anything about the game, you know that first a course has to be drawn, in the dirt or on the street with a piece of chalk. It can be played alone or with a group of people. Find a rock or a hackeysack and toss it into the first square, then avoid it, jumping from square to square up the court and back down, where you pick up what you've dropped and toss it again: Next square. Repeat. Keep balanced, keep cool.
This is what it's like to find a job. I've tossed my resume out there, waited patiently, avoided "bothering" people, and jumped around. I've done this, all the while asking myself what more I could do. Some people wait months, before they find work, and sometimes their patience has paid off and they find exactly what they were hoping for. And then, sometimes they just find something that will do.
I've talked with some people from our church, done a little networking, and have taken in all kinds of advice. And tomorrow, I'll go to an interview. To be a nanny.
...
Did your heart fall a little? Or are you thinking, "No, no, that's perfect. A steady income, a chance to be around kids, and plenty of free time while the little one naps to study Spanish and write."
I myself am torn. I admit, I'm happy that someone has responded to me after so many resumes cast out with no. response. Is that the etiquette of todays job market? Is the internet a black hole? I also feel a little embarrassed. What do I have to show for an expensive education? Why do I feel such a need to be impressive with _______ job and _________ income?
Who knows what will come of tomorrow. Maybe nothing. Maybe something.
I've looked at a temp agency and spread the word: This is what my skills are, this is what I'd like. So I think that while I wait for something different, I can work too. We can have an income, I can keep my eyes and ears open.
I can be a darn good hopscotcher, with my rock in one square and my foot in another.
If you know anything about the game, you know that first a course has to be drawn, in the dirt or on the street with a piece of chalk. It can be played alone or with a group of people. Find a rock or a hackeysack and toss it into the first square, then avoid it, jumping from square to square up the court and back down, where you pick up what you've dropped and toss it again: Next square. Repeat. Keep balanced, keep cool.
This is what it's like to find a job. I've tossed my resume out there, waited patiently, avoided "bothering" people, and jumped around. I've done this, all the while asking myself what more I could do. Some people wait months, before they find work, and sometimes their patience has paid off and they find exactly what they were hoping for. And then, sometimes they just find something that will do.
I've talked with some people from our church, done a little networking, and have taken in all kinds of advice. And tomorrow, I'll go to an interview. To be a nanny.
...
Did your heart fall a little? Or are you thinking, "No, no, that's perfect. A steady income, a chance to be around kids, and plenty of free time while the little one naps to study Spanish and write."
I myself am torn. I admit, I'm happy that someone has responded to me after so many resumes cast out with no. response. Is that the etiquette of todays job market? Is the internet a black hole? I also feel a little embarrassed. What do I have to show for an expensive education? Why do I feel such a need to be impressive with _______ job and _________ income?
Who knows what will come of tomorrow. Maybe nothing. Maybe something.
I've looked at a temp agency and spread the word: This is what my skills are, this is what I'd like. So I think that while I wait for something different, I can work too. We can have an income, I can keep my eyes and ears open.
I can be a darn good hopscotcher, with my rock in one square and my foot in another.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
No excuses
I've neglected you, I know. Instead of writing posts, I've been writing cover letters. Instead of telling our stories, I've been watching movies. Rather than sit at my computer all day long, I've been getting out of the apartment.
Err, what? Come again? "You've found things to do?" you say?
Ah yes, yes I have. And not only that, I've found people to do things with! No more Hans Solonely. Steven and I have found a church and so we have found a community.
Tonight we played our second game of backyard volleyball with a group from church. Everyone is a lot of fun and pretty darn good at volleying back and forth, so we have a good time. They've nicknamed me and Steven the Kansas City shuffle, which I lahve.
Tomorrow night, we're going into the city for a free concert in Mt. Vernon Park. We were invited by a new friend from church we met at Link group on Tuesday night. Link groups meet together on Tuesdays to eat dinner, read and discuss the bible, eat dessert, hang out. We had a great time trying out our first group and are really thankful to God, who created the internet, which led us to the Horizon website, and now so close to having friends. Divine intervention, or something.
The job hunt is tiring. I haven't heard back from anything except a freelance position we found on craigslist. It might be something worth trying out, in whatever free time I'll have once I get a REAL job, but it's not anything I think I'd be able to make a full-time gig.
Meh.
This last weekend we went to Delaware with my mom's friend, now our friend, to tube/float down the Brandywine river. It was beautiful and relaxing (because we just have no time to relax...) and we also got a lot of suggestions for some things we might want to do in our free time. Also, Delaware has no sales tax, so we have great dreams of a shopping spree dancing in our heads. We are also reminded of Christine O'Donnell, a Delaware politician, who ran an ad clarifying her non-witch status in 2010. It is hilarious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGGAgljengs
Haha. The SNL spoof is even better:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ex_WbDgSIlA
So awesome!
We've also had dinner with Steven's cousin, Skip (twice removed, or something), and his family. They treated us to pizza, endless beverages, and a sampling of east coast hospitality.
All in all we've been steadily filling our schedule and getting more comfortable with our surroundings. This weekend we go to New Jersey for a Peace Corps party and, I hope, a run-in with Snooki.
Until who knows when, thanks for reading. Really. Thank you.
Err, what? Come again? "You've found things to do?" you say?
Ah yes, yes I have. And not only that, I've found people to do things with! No more Hans Solonely. Steven and I have found a church and so we have found a community.
Tonight we played our second game of backyard volleyball with a group from church. Everyone is a lot of fun and pretty darn good at volleying back and forth, so we have a good time. They've nicknamed me and Steven the Kansas City shuffle, which I lahve.
Tomorrow night, we're going into the city for a free concert in Mt. Vernon Park. We were invited by a new friend from church we met at Link group on Tuesday night. Link groups meet together on Tuesdays to eat dinner, read and discuss the bible, eat dessert, hang out. We had a great time trying out our first group and are really thankful to God, who created the internet, which led us to the Horizon website, and now so close to having friends. Divine intervention, or something.
The job hunt is tiring. I haven't heard back from anything except a freelance position we found on craigslist. It might be something worth trying out, in whatever free time I'll have once I get a REAL job, but it's not anything I think I'd be able to make a full-time gig.
Meh.
This last weekend we went to Delaware with my mom's friend, now our friend, to tube/float down the Brandywine river. It was beautiful and relaxing (because we just have no time to relax...) and we also got a lot of suggestions for some things we might want to do in our free time. Also, Delaware has no sales tax, so we have great dreams of a shopping spree dancing in our heads. We are also reminded of Christine O'Donnell, a Delaware politician, who ran an ad clarifying her non-witch status in 2010. It is hilarious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGGAgljengs
Haha. The SNL spoof is even better:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ex_WbDgSIlA
So awesome!
We've also had dinner with Steven's cousin, Skip (twice removed, or something), and his family. They treated us to pizza, endless beverages, and a sampling of east coast hospitality.
All in all we've been steadily filling our schedule and getting more comfortable with our surroundings. This weekend we go to New Jersey for a Peace Corps party and, I hope, a run-in with Snooki.
Until who knows when, thanks for reading. Really. Thank you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)