Where Are They Now?

I’ve been prompted multiple times since college -when trying to decide on a career- to think of what I would do if no one were paying me. What would I do if it weren’t about the money? I know this is meant to be a liberating question- the clouds should part for the sun to shine on the one thing-the sum of my talents and joys- that would lead to purpose, meaning, AND a paycheck, but that hasn't worked for me yet.

Before starting my undergrad, I asked myself What do I like to do?

I like to read books and sing show tunes. I like to drink coffee and eat popcorn. I like to ask foreigners how to say __________ in their native language and then I like to repeat that phrase back to them every time I see them. I like to make friends. I like to pull my suitcase through airports, especially when wearing a scarf.

With that list in mind, I became an English major. I read a lot of books and drank a lot of coffee and watched the movie versions of those books and ate a lot of popcorn. I saw my friends in shows, but didn't do any myself. And then I graduated and started looking for a job. And I found a job, but not THE job. I'm still hoping for THE job, but maybe there is no such thing. In which case, What would I do if it weren't about money? That, my friends, is called Saturday.

Eating with Morton's Fork*

So much has happened and un-happened since my last post, namely:

Happened: Job offer.
Un-happened: Job.

Confused? I was too.

On Wednesday, I was resigned to become a nanny. I wrote about it, I made peace with it, and on Thursday I took a CPR class so that on Friday, when I interviewed with the family, I would be the best candidate I could be. And then on Monday, if they wanted me, I would start. Things were falling into place, and fast.

During my CPR class, I recieved a voicemail from a friend about another job possiblity. I stood in the hallway of the hospital getting excited. This is it! I thought. God didn't want me to do the nannying thing and so, at the last second, he's giving me something else. I called my friend back, got some details and finished my CPR class. (FYI, I rocked it. I could save your life.)

Then I walked out to my car, called the potential employer, and sat in the parking lot of the hospital for AN HOUR chatting, hearing a little about the company, and getting an offer for the job! No interview, no meeting, no resume, no waiting, more money than nannying, a REAL job.

I was sure God was getting all up in my business and making things right.
And now, a week later and still jobless(x2), I know that to be true.

I canceled the nanny interview. I felt bad about that. Then, I went and met with HR and would-be boss, and the whole time all I could think was: this is not for me. Can you imagine how crazy that made me feel? I wanted a job, I needed a job, and there it was, a job... What was my problem?!? Without going into detail, there were several factors that made me stop short of accepting the position. I spent several hours thinking it through and talking with Steven before I declined the job offer.

I was pleaded with and enticed, to reconsider... So, I did. And spent the whole of last week working out the details of my employment, scheduled to start Monday, the 22nd.

Last Friday, I declined a second time on the advice of my family. I walked away from the only job offer I had and, right after I felt really crappy about it, I felt relief.

Now, some twenty-valuable-lessons-about-business-conduct later, I'm back to the beginning of the job search.

*palm to face*

Being an adult just really takes the cake sometimes.

I wish I could go back to being a child grocer in my parent's basement, with the mini plastic groceries and wind-along conveyer belt. That job had the best benefits.

*Psssst, Don't know what Morton's Fork is? Here you go: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morton's_fork

It's how you play the game.

Finding employment is like playing hopscotch.

If you know anything about the game, you know that first a course has to be drawn, in the dirt or on the street with a piece of chalk. It can be played alone or with a group of people. Find a rock or a hackeysack and toss it into the first square, then avoid it, jumping from square to square up the court and back down, where you pick up what you've dropped and toss it again: Next square. Repeat. Keep balanced, keep cool.

This is what it's like to find a job. I've tossed my resume out there, waited patiently, avoided "bothering" people, and jumped around. I've done this, all the while asking myself what more I could do. Some people wait months, before they find work, and sometimes their patience has paid off and they find exactly what they were hoping for. And then, sometimes they just find something that will do.

I've talked with some people from our church, done a little networking, and have taken in all kinds of advice. And tomorrow, I'll go to an interview. To be a nanny.

...

Did your heart fall a little? Or are you thinking, "No, no, that's perfect. A steady income, a chance to be around kids, and plenty of free time while the little one naps to study Spanish and write."

I myself am torn. I admit, I'm happy that someone has responded to me after so many resumes cast out with no. response. Is that the etiquette of todays job market? Is the internet a black hole? I also feel a little embarrassed. What do I have to show for an expensive education? Why do I feel such a need to be impressive with _______ job and _________ income?

Who knows what will come of tomorrow. Maybe nothing. Maybe something.

I've looked at a temp agency and spread the word: This is what my skills are, this is what I'd like. So I think that while I wait for something different, I can work too. We can have an income, I can keep my eyes and ears open.


I can be a darn good hopscotcher, with my rock in one square and my foot in another.